SPEAKING FROM THE HEART: BEING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF.
Authenticity is embedded in what you say, not what you “sound like”
“Why do you sound so White?” I know this is an odd way to start an article, but hang in there with me because this is important. I’m going to get very real. You ready?
This question may trigger a sense of defense; you may be thinking why does everything have to be so racialized? Trust me, as a Black woman, it’s absolutely exhausting to confront race-related issues daily but it’s the reality we’re dealt. Other questions like “Is there a certain way White people sound?” or “I’m not White and I’m sick of hearing people say this” may come up. I get it, but we can’t ignore or take for granted that even “proper” language has a color in our society.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, since typically the highest standard for being articulate and poise is often associated with being White, our society has essentially conflated formality with racial heritage. In short, when you think of someone speaking proper English, you think of a white person. For me, the fact that as an immigrant, I learned English mainly from White educators resulted in me adopting that particular communication style. Consequently, I’ve been told that I “sound white.”
There is sometimes surprise then delight that I am “so articulate” – a sentiment I don’t resent and may be well-meaning, but it’s deeply rooted in misguided and masked racialization of intelligence. It fails to recognize that what one sounds like is simply a consequence of environment, particularly the one in which you learn English. It also insinuates that I am an exception among people of color. The implication is that other styles of communication – AAVE (or Ebonics), regional dialects, etc. – are not articulate or reflective of poise.
I could go on for days about how socially destructive and exclusionary it is to align “proper speech” with a particular race, but I wouldn’t be saying anything new. What I will offer, is the notion that regardless of what you “sound” like, authenticity lies in how you show up, what you say, and how you say it. I’m sure you’re familiar with the words of Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Focus on the power of your words. The key question is: how might we make our words an extension of our purpose or at the very least, our values? How do you use your presentation, panel discussion, jo interview, commencement speech, gala opening remarks, sales pitch, or every day interactions to inspire a vision of the positive you want to see in the world? Culture, norms, social constructs of race – all of these will shift and evolve. What remains consistent, is that your word is an extension of you, so speak well from the heart.
To know you is to love you. If you burden yourself with false notions that need to imitate others’ styles in order to be seen or heard, you may get to your destination, but you will likely be very unhappy there. I’ve made peace with comments that I “sound white” – whether a misguided compliment or sharp barb meant to make me question my identify – because I know that when I speak, I sound like my heart. There is no conflict and it’s effortless. If “being you” feels like work, chances are you’re not being yourself.
Yours with grace,
Aïcha
